I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As shirtless as possible
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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