Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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