I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm always down for nudity.
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