Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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