We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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