she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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