Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
