Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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