I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
