i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
