i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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