4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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