Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have post one night stand depression
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