actually, I'm a sock model
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
