Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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