Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
