Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
