I can tuck mytits in my pants
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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