My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
