Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
