When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
