and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
