i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
