there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
