id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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