I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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