I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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