You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
