well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
