you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
