I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
