Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
