I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
