if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
