remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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