Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
