Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you would pick up someone in the library
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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