no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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