so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
