i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
