I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
