Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
