he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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