so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
