This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
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He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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