I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
