Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
