The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
