She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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