dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it glows. i had to have it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
