God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
