i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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