dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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