sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
