Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
