I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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