So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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