she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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