This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
