The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
