Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
