ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
