I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
