I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
