you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
