she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
