You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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