either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize