12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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