I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
