This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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