Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
