Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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