so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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