She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
