dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
