so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
