I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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