You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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